Order of Service

Welcome

Read by celebrant, Michael Gordon

Good afternoon to you all. My name is Michael Gordon and, as a Funeral Celebrant, I shall be leading today’s service.  

May I thank you very much for coming to remember Ellie at this sad time and to be with her family. Unable to join us in person, but, at least, present on livestream, are many people from all over the world. We welcome and are grateful to them, especially those joining us from Israel, France, Wales and New York. 

I would like to offer you all a very warm welcome, as we unite here today – not just to say goodbye to Ellie, but, more importantly, to honour and celebrate her life.

About Ellie

Read by celebrant, Michael Gordon

We are here today to remember and celebrate Ellie’s life. We need only look around this chapel to see how much life there was in the years that she had. 

The illness that claimed Ellie’s life emerged with little warning and progressed quickly. It’s inevitable that those who cared about her should experience shock at her departure; and sadness that her life ended at an age when she had so much more living yet to do. 

Although we mourn a life that has ended too soon, we recognise a person who touched the lives of so many others.  Death is a sad part of life, but to deny it is to deny life itself.  Its value lies not in its length but in the use that’s made of it; Ellie proves to us that it’s not the years in our life, but rather the life in our years that matters most. 

It’s important that our recollections of her, even today, are not unduly coloured by the sadness we feel. We will grieve, as we must, as we try to make sense of knowing a person we love is no longer with us.  We owe it to Ellie’s memory and everything she meant to honour and celebrate her life, to focus on the experiences we were fortunate to share, recapture what made her so special, and to smile as we remember her. 

The character, humour and individuality that was so much a feature of Ellie’s life will live on in the memories, and actions, of her friends and family much longer than the sadness we may feel at her passing today. 

Meditations before Kaddish

Read by celebrant, Michael Gordon

When I die give what’s left of me away 

To children and old men that wait to die. 

And if you need to cry, 

Cry for your brother walking the street beside you. 

And when you need me, put your arms around anyone 

And give them what you need to give me. 

 I want to leave you something, 

Something better than words or sounds. 

Look for me in the people I've known or loved, 

And if you cannot give me away, 

At least let me live in your eyes and not in your mind. 

You can love me best by letting hands touch hands, 

And by letting go of children that need to be free. 

Love doesn’t die, people do. 

So, when all that’s left of me is love, 

Give me away. 

Eulogy

Read by celebrant, Michael Gordon

Ellie was born Eleanor Ceri Hughes on 11th June 1980 at Kings College Hospital in Camberwell, to parents Andrea and John.  Her three siblings include her older sister Laura and younger brothers Tom and Jeremy, all of whom are here today. 

Ellie met Simon in February 2016 and they married just two years later. Many have remarked on how delighted they have been to see Ellie so happy in recent years, having found her soulmate.  Ellie leaves behind two dependents; Dizzy and Mackie - as well as many other dogs who she loved, cared for and brought joy to. She was hugely loved by her immediate and extended family, and close friends, who she cared so deeply for. 

Ellie attended school at John Ball Primary in Blackheath and Thomas Tallis Secondary in Kidbrooke. She studied media, dramatic arts and law; leaving education with modest grades. She worked in roles befitting both her interests and ability to bluff her way through any interview using only her wit, intelligence and personality - regardless of any expertise, experience or qualifications she may not have had. She enjoyed a variety of different roles including a make-up artist, estate agent and dog carer. However, animals proved her true vocation and her most recent job at Blue Cross Animal Hospital allowed her to thrive in a fast-paced environment, offering comfort to pet owners and surrounding herself with as many furry friends as she could. 

From a young age, Ellie had struggled with her health. Following a liver transplant in 2014, she recovered well and appeared to flourish in the years that followed; enjoying a happy life with her dogs, husband and making plans for the future. She died beside close family at 1:45AM on Wednesday 23rd September at Kings College Hospital after a serious illness discovered only 9 weeks before. 

Many of her close friends and family have been kind to share stories and reflections of Ellie. They paint a picture of someone who was fun, thoughtful, loyal, strong-willed, naughty and a ‘true force of nature’. 

Blessings

A Jewish blessing read by Ellie’s cousin, Rafi.

אלינור הייתה אישה פיקחה, יפה, תוססת, חברותית ומאושר 

היא אהבה את משפחתה ואת חבריה. 

היא גם אהבה כלבים, תיקי יד יקרים, וכל דבר ורוד, פרוותי ונוצץ. 

אלינור נלקחה מאיתנו בטרם עת. 

שנשמתה תעלה לגן עדן. 

 שזיכרונה יהיה לברכה. 

אמן 

Tribute by Andy

Read by celebrant Michael on behalf of her mother, Andy

Her favourite book from childhood was ‘My Naughty Little Sister’.  My little girl, Ellie Ceri or Goobie as she liked me to call her I am Moomin Mama to her.   

Bright, kind, beautiful in many ways and so resilient during 30 years of progressive ill health. 

Of course she loved animals, but others can add to that sentiment who are more sympathetic to the doggy side of her life.  My main recollection is of her relationship to Dizzy, who she said ‘saved her life’ many times.

Then she met Simon: the love of her life.  I must thank him for giving Ellie the happiest years of her life.  He’s wonderful and I’m very grateful to Pauline and his other mother Isabel for bringing him up to be such a ‘mensch’ (i.e. the best kind of man in the world). And who will always be my son-in-law.  I couldn’t wish for a better one.

Ellie had many talents, found it as much a burden as a pleasure to be so very beautiful.  Her health held her back, but she tried a variety of jobs, and set up two businesses, all of which she was very good at. She never failed an interview to my knowledge and studied law from time to time, being offered a place at Sussex as a mature student with one successfully completed module and 3 GCSEs.

Ellie valued the culturally Jewish part of her identity.  As her Grandpa Sid said ‘you can eat your way to Judaism’, but also celebrated Chanukah and Pesach with my family.  It felt important to recognise this fact and so Rabbi Mendy from Chabad was called to the hospital.  He came immediately and gave me prayers and solace.  All this explains the Reform Jewish service as it was my parents’ favoured degree of Jewishness.

This would not be possible to write without talking about Ellie’s affinity with glamour.  She relished the benefits of 1st class travel on trains which her dad, John, provided, we went to Ascot as she wanted for her 18th and cocktails at the Ritz for her 21st!

I have brought the heart I was going to give her in hospital when she woke up.

Tribute by Laura

Read by her sister, Laura

I’ve spoken to a lot of people about Ellie over the past couple of weeks.  One story that sticks in my mind is from our cousin Natalie, but others may be able to relate.  At a fancy place in town, Ellie had ordered eggs Benedict.  When the dish was brought out, she found it was overcooked.  She told the waiter, who took it away and brought a replacement.  She cut into the new eggs, but found these were no better.  She called the waiter back and explained.  He apologised and took them away.  A new dish was delivered.  Sadly, these turned out to have the same problem.  She demonstrated the rubberyness of the yolk, and reminded the waiter again that these eggs should ooze.

As Natalie described this to me, she recalled being both impressed by Ellie’s insistence on receiving the quality food she was paying for, but also being excruciatingly embarrassed and wanting to hide under the table.  Ellie sent the dish back a good 5 or 6 times.  Whenever a new dish was placed in front of her, people seated at tables nearby watched with bated breath to see whether her knife would press into the correct consistency of yolk.  The manager of the restaurant assured her he had stood over the chef as he prepared what must surely be the perfect Egg Benedict.  Sadly there isn’t a happy end to this story.  Every time the egg was disappointing.  Every time the manager’s shoulders slumped further and the collective breath held in the room was let out in a sigh.  Natalie had finished her food 20 minutes before.  

Despite, or perhaps because of her exacting standards, Ellie will be greatly missed.  Her niece, Isla Clove, will miss her favourite auntie Ellie (sorry Abigail. Sorry Emma), and will remember her particularly fondly because of the Kindle Fire Ellie bought her for her last birthday.  

Almost all of my childhood memories have Ellie in them, or have her calling me through a door because I’d shut her out of my room.  I loved her, of course. And I’m glad we were closer as adults and that she knew I did.  We talked a lot on the phone. We played the virtual pub quiz during lockdown.  She forwarded the best lockdown memes.  I miss her.  

Ellie was a Harry Potter fan and I will finish with some wise words from Sirius Black and Albus Dumbledore.  

"The ones that love us never really leave us." 

"To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever." 

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." 

Tribute by Tom

Read by Ellie’s best friend, Tom Mumford

I’ll remember being 14 years old and seeing you, or rather hearing you for the very first time. Hearing your voice bellowing across the school yard and looking up and seeing this tall, beautiful, bolshy yet sophisticated girl.

I’ll remember how there was never a dull moment when you were around.

I’ll remember your Twin Peaks marathons, your Friends obsession, your love of Britney Spears and how in that brilliant summer of 1996 you could always be found on Blackheath Common, working your way through the biggest bottle of Baileys money could buy.

I’ll remember the head of year Mr Bush telling you off for wearing such short skirts to school and how you would tell him it was your human right to wear whatever length skirt you wished to.

As well as all the fun and the constant, constant laughter, I’ll remember how fiercely loyal you were as a friend. How sensitive and spot on your advice could be and how it always came at the exact moment I needed it.

I’ll remember how (after kissing just a few frogs in your time) you met Simon, and how I had never seen you so happy and content with someone.

I’ll remember how Simon gave you your dream wedding. Although because it was you Ellie, of course there had to be two ceremonies. And why not.

When this heartbreak subsides Ellie and I think of you, I’ll remember the joy and absolute, pure light you brought with you.

Tribute by Simon

Read by celebrant Michael on behalf of her husband, Simon

Ellie and I first met in 2016 after seeing each other across a crowded dating app. We got engaged on our first anniversary and married on our second. Ellie was known as a Hughes, a Sennen and a Chandler - but to me she was my best friend, my wife and the Project Manager of my life. 

Here are some things I know about Ellie. 

Although she valued her Jewish heritage, the only religion she ever believed in was dog. Dizzy arrived in 2010 and filled Ellie’s life with joy and purpose. It’s hard to imagine she almost gave her up during the first year; but after months of patience, perseverance and training Dizzy became the “happiest dog in the world” she is today. It was clear from the outset there was a pecking order at home which started with Dizzy and featured me elsewhere on the list. Ellie provided a loving home to so many fur babies and leaves Dizzy and Mackie in my somewhat able hands. 

I know that Ellie was beautiful, capable and intelligent; with a mind that often moved too fast for her to keep up with. And she was funny. The kind of funny that would often get her into trouble. Ellie was a proud liberal and didn’t mind anyone knowing. She was forthcoming with her opinions and passionate in her views; always led by what was right towards others. She couldn’t tolerate injustice, those who condoned it and spoke out against it at any opportunity. No matter whose birthday party it was. 

I know that the NHS held a special place in her heart, long before people clapped for carers. Kings College Hospital is where Ellie was born, reborn after her transplant and ultimately passed away. We should all recognise that she cost the British taxpayer an absolute fortune. 

I know that Ellie’s personality was so big, it was easy to overlook how kind, sensitive and thoughtful she was. My only criticism is that she never saw herself as we all did. She never fully recognised the impact she had on others and would be overwhelmed if she knew just how much she meant to so many.

I also know that our life together was filled with laughter, love and happiness. We had our share of difficult times but despite any problem we faced, we always faced them together. She challenged me, made me laugh and managed to surprise me every day. Spending lots of time together often tests the limits of a relationship, but it only seemed to make ours stronger. 

Ellie, I will forever be grateful to you. You were my friend first and my idiot second. You made me want to be a better person. Not only did you teach me what true love is, I now know that leaving a tap running in Charlton somehow kills a polar bear in the Arctic Ocean.

We loved a lot in the time we were lucky enough to share. And I will forever be grateful for that.

The Committal

Read by celebrant, Michael

Eleanor Ceri Chandler, your life we honour your departure we have to accept your memory we cherish. In grief at your death but in gratitude for your life and for the privilege of sharing it with you.

We commit your body to be cremated .

Rest now at the end of your days, your work is done, rest in the hearts and the minds of all you love.  

Conclusion

Read by celebrant, Michael

May we all find comfort, and richness and example in memories of Ellie, may we find support in our love for one another and may we all find strength in our hearts. 

We have come to the close of our proceedings this afternoon, but just before we leave I would like to thank you all once again for being here today to remember Ellie and to support her close family.